


I once was lost, but now I'm found

by MelissaSz89



Category: Ally McBeal (TV)
Genre: F/M, flangst, this is how it should have ended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-09
Updated: 2012-11-09
Packaged: 2017-11-18 08:01:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/558677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelissaSz89/pseuds/MelissaSz89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was only the envelope. In it, there would be a note. And Ally already knew what it would say. But what if the words are different than she expected? </p><p>This is my take on how season 4 should have ended. Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	I once was lost, but now I'm found

_Everything is going to be alright. Everything is going to be alright. Everything is going to be alright._

Ally kept repeating that line to herself while she rode up the elevator to the offices of Cage & Fish. It was just a few hours ago that she had broken up with Larry and he had come here to talk to her. His words lingered in her head and she hadn't slept all night, because she had been trying to figure out what went wrong between them.

But even after she's heard his explanations, her thoughts were still a complete mess. Larry had become her anchor during the last months. A person she knew would make her feel better no matter what happened. Someone who would keep her grounded, when she was once again in danger of loosing herself. Someone who would never let her go or leave her. She had felt so safe and protected with him and for the first time she had actually believed that she could trust someone to always catch her when she fell.

The evening of their first kiss came to her mind then and she closed her eyes as she realised that she would never again feel his lips against hers. She touched her bottom lip with her forefinger and lost herself in her memories for a while, until the ringing of the elevator snapped her back into present time.

She breathed in and out deeply, stepped out of the elevator and began inwardly repeating her new mantra again. _Everything is going to be alright. Everything is going to be alright. Everything is going to be_ -

"Ally, there you are! Larry Paul..."

"Don't say his name!" Ally whirled around to Elaine, who looked at her half in sympathy, half in excitement.

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that he came by earlier," Elaine said and Ally was instantly all ears. Larry had come by again? Why?

"What? What did he want?" she asked, a bit breathlessly.

"He left this for you," Elaine answered and held out her hand to pass her an envelope.

For a moment Ally felt like someone had just blown a big, empty hole into her stomach with a cannon ball. Warily, she turned around to see if that miserable, dancing baby was there, but she couldn't spot it anywhere. There was only the envelope. In it, there would be a note. And Ally already knew what it would say.

"Don't you want to open it?" Elaine asked and pushed the envelope at her.

Did she want to? Despite knowing that it would be the final goodbye? Was she ready for that? She shook her head. _No, no, no, no, no_. But she knew that she had to do it. She had to open it on her own and see for herself what it contained. If she ever wanted to get over him, then she had to face reality, even if it kept disappointing her.

Quickly, she snatched the envelope from Elaine, before she could change her mind and almost ran into her office. Once there, she just stopped in the middle of the room with her back to the door and stared down at the envelope Larry had left her. So this was going to be all that was left of their relationship...

She heard footsteps behind her and then Elaine's voice, "Ally? Should I..."

"Could you please leave me alone, Elaine?" Ally asked quietly, without turning around.

"Of course," Elaine answered after a short pause. Ally heard her retreating footsteps and then the door closing behind her.

She took a deep breath and hesitated for a second, but then she opened the envelope carefully. A single piece of paper was sticking out of it now and she closed her eyes while she pulled it out with shaking hands. To open her eyes again and read Larry's last words for her was one the hardest things she's ever done in her entire life. But she forced herself to keep going. She had to be strong now. _Everything is going to be alright._

Cautiously, she looked at the note and froze as she saw the words written on it.

"Uh, you know, apparently I'm not only bad at saying goodbye or hello, but... well, it seems I'm often at loss for the right words."

The voice came from behind her and Ally turned around slowly, with tears gathering at the corner of her eyes. Larry was standing at the door and a crooked smile was on his lips. She had seen that particular smile so many times on him before, but it had never failed to hide his sadness more than in this moment.

"Larry..." she whispered, not sure what she should do or say. The note... _those words_...

"Wait, Ally. Please don't say anything yet. Let me explain why I acted the like world's greatest idiot during the last few days," Larry asked and stepped closer to her. "Two days ago, when we were at that restaurant, I wanted to ask you a very important question."

Her gaze dropped back down to the note she was gripping so tightly that it was already completely wrinkled. She still couldn't understand what was going on right now. Larry shouldn't actually be here anymore and that last spark of hope that was left inside her should have been destroyed by his note once and for all. But instead she was trembling all over and that little spark had turned into a new fire which threatened to consume her.

Larry kept talking undeterred, as if he knew of the internal battle she fought with herself. "I had everything properly planned. I choose a romantic restaurant, paid the waiter to put the ring into your dessert and to bring it by in the right moment." He paused shortly, but then continued in a pained voice. "The dessert was brought to the wrong table however, and I convinced myself that it was a bad omen. That there's gotta be a reason why it didn't work out that night."

Ally listened mesmerised as she finally understood why Larry had been acting so strange that evening. She looked back up at his face and lost herself, like so many times before, in the sad expression in his eyes.

"I wear the ring with me since I'm back from Detroit," Larry confessed softly and pulled a small, velvety box out of his jacket. Ally felt like her legs would give out under her at the sight. It crossed her mind then, that it would probably be better to sit down, but she was still unable to move.

"There were thousands of moments where I nearly asked you. But we weren't actually together for that long and were just separated for six weeks." Larry's fingers wandered nervously over the small box while he talked. "That's why I always stopped myself from asking. I didn't want to do something rash and scare you away. The thought that you could say no, the possibility that I could loose you, was unbearable. I knew that you were feeling insecure, Ally. I felt you pulling away from me, but I didn't know what to do. So I gathered up enough courage to plan that evening. And when everything went awry..." Larry's voice broke.

There was a short silence, in which Ally desperately tried to form a coherent thought. Just five minutes ago she had been convinced that it was over between them. That she would get a note. Well, she did get a note, but the words were wholly different from what she had expected. And she clearly hadn't expected Larry to show up and tell her all these things.

But could she really trust him? A man, who admitted that he didn't trust himself? Paired with her own neurotic fears it couldn't work out, right?

"Do you remember how I once told you that I'm sure I will make many mistakes in the future, but walking away from you isn't one of them? I didn't lie, Ally. I know, I screwed everything up and I'm sure you imagined this moment to be different, but... The time I spent in Detroit showed me one thing clearly. I can't imagine my life without you. I don't want to. Because you're it, Ally. You're the one."

Carefully, and without taking his eyes of hers, Larry stepped closer. Ally could see the silent plea in his eyes, while he moved closer to her. He was still scared that she could turn on him, but she could also make out a new confidence in him which she hadn't seen there before.

And suddenly it dawned on her that _Larry_ would never again turn on _her_. Despite his fears and insecurities he found his way back to her and he was obviously determined to face every obstacle which was thrown their way together.

There would be no more notes in the future.

Larry was now standing directly in front of her and every fibre of her being ached for his touch. Her suspicious, overworked mind had finally given up the battle against her wildly pounding heart. She loved this man - more than she had every thought possible. With him she had finally found what she had been looking for her entire life. The trust she put in Larry in the beginning of their relationship, the trust she had thought she had lost in the last few weeks, wrapped itself around her again like a warm blanket.

In that moment she also realised that she hadn't lost her trust in Larry because of something he did. The real reason behind it was that she hadn't trust her own feelings anymore. She had reached that point in their relationship where she was so happy and content and full of hope that she felt like it couldn't be real. And once again, like so many times before in the past, she started to sabotage her own relationship, searching for problems, when there were none, because she wasn't able to just be happy.

A lot of people in her life had pointed out the error of her ways to her before. Elaine, John, Reneé, Tracey... and of course Billy. And even though she had started to realise her flaws in the last couple of years, she had still refused to accept that she had it in her own hands to change something about it. But this would stop right now.

The beginnings of a smile flittered across her face and that obviously gave Larry another burst of confidence. A smile was also tugging at the corner of his lips, while he reached out and touched the side of her face tenderly. Ally felt a tingling sensation run through her body at the contact and she leaned into the touch and closed her eyes, contently. Now that she admitted it to herself at long last how they had come into this situation, she could finally start to trust her own feelings again and let herself fall, knowing that Larry would always be there to catch her. They had both realised that the stakes were to high to let their fears guide them.

"I don't expect an answer right away, Ally," Larry whispered while he caressed her cheek lovingly with his thumb. "But don't say no, just because you're scared. Don't push me away again. Trust me. Trust us."

"I do," Ally replied instantly. She opened her eyes again and saw the surprise crossing Larry's face. She smiled at him, full of affection. "And my answer is yes."

For a few seconds, Larry seemed to be rooted to the spot, but then he grinned at her with a mixture of relief and uncontained happiness. Suddenly, she found herself wrapped in his arms and she couldn't hold back the tears, nor the cheerful laughter which erupted from her mouth. Larry held her tightly and started dropping little kisses across her neck, up to her face. When his lips finally found hers and sealed them in a deep kiss, Ally felt something loosen inside her. Something that had been there since that night when she was a little child and went into the bedroom of her parents, only to find a strange man in the bed next to her mother.

She poured all her pent-up emotions in returning his feverish kiss and dropped Larry's note to the ground in favour of running her fingers through his hair.

She was finally happy.

And happy with that.

\----------------------------

Around midday, Elaine knocked lightly against Ally's office door and stepped in quickly without waiting for a response. Ally had been in there with Larry for _hours_ and she couldn't contain her curiosity any longer. Larry had asked her earlier in the morning to help him so that he could talk to Ally alone, but he hadn't told her what he was up to despite her insistent questions.

To her great disappointment, the office was empty. The two of them must have sneaked out while she was in the Unisex, trying to get the latest gossip. Sadly, there hadn't been anything interesting to be overheard and she cursed herself for leaving her place at Ally's door.

She just wanted to admit defeat for the day, but then her gaze fell on a crumpled piece of paper on the floor right in front of Ally's desk. Excited, she walked over and picked it up and read the short two lines written on it.

  
_I love you._

_Marry me?_

Elaine smiled, honestly happy for Ally. Her smile quickly turned into a sly smirk however, when she realised that there would be some _phenomenal_ gossip to be spread in the Unisex today after all.

She carefully put the paper back right to where she found it and left Ally's office satisfied.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> It always bothered me how Ally suddenly doesn't trust Larry anymore and in season 5 it always seems like Larry just left her like a total bastard. Sure, he made mistakes and lost his confidence after that fiasco with the ring, but it was _Ally_ who broke up with _him_ first. If she would have trusted him and tried to get to the bottom of their problems instead of pushing him away, things could have worked out. It's so stupid that they didn't end the show right there and didn't give Ally  & Larry their Happy End... So, in my head this is how the show should have ended :)


End file.
